Sunday, 23 February 2020

struggling.

I've been struggling for a while now, I put this strong facade on and I'm always trying to paint this fake smile on because it gets a bit draining otherwise, you know?

But, pretending everything's okay when it isn't is just as bad really. 

I'm the kind of person that believes in love at first sight, yeah I still believe in that whole fairytale romance bullshit and I believe in the love that you read about in books, the kind that doesn't give up.
And finding someone that makes you feel like you're the only person in a room full of people, finding someone that makes you realise why it never worked out with anyone else, that's all anybody wants.

I've been working so hard on myself, becoming that person I knew I could be but my problem?
I meet people and I get attached to their aura and how they tick. 
People like to psychoanalyze me and assume they know what I'm about but truthfully, there's very few people that know me like that.

It's not that I want to die, I just don't want to exist anymore.
I feel like I carry the weight of the world on my shoulders and whenever someone needs me I'm there but who's there when I'm struggling? 

I just, yeah. 
I've lost my sparkle.


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