For so long I've felt trapped by my own head.
I've felt suffocated by anxiety, depression and people in my life that just didn't deserve to be there I guess.
I was in a relationship, with my best friend and it was absolutely wonderful. He was genuinely one of the best people in my life but at the same time it was quite toxic.
It was toxic because as much as I wanted to I just couldn't trust him as much as he deserved and for that I am truly sorry but now that it's ended I'm slowly realising where the hell I went wrong.
Some people grow up together and stay together from being young and grow old together, but plants need water and nourishment and no two plants grow at the exact rate together but on the rare occasion they do and that's some special type of love but it doesn't often happen.
And we were like them plants, we were trying so hard to grow together but we just outgrew each other and we'd pick and pick and pick at each other until we just couldn't function.
Don't get me wrong the days leading up to the break up we were beyond wicked like we were so good, we just weren't good enough.
And as to be expected, my heart ached. My heart ached for my best friend.
Sometimes we all need some reassurance that it will all be okay eventually and he would always give me that, so to have him never say that. God, it absolutely broke me.
I decided to change, not for him, not for any other man but for myself.
I allowed myself to show vulnerabilities, I let myself feel genuine raw emotion for the first time in a long time.
I've become such an unstoppable force lately that I genuinely don't think I could feel anymore content in who I am as a person.
My life is currently at its peak and I reckon, it's only gonna get better..
I'm the happiest I've been in a long time and it's all genuine happiness too. No fake bullshit, no more trying so hard to impress people.
Just real, raw, honesty.
As one door closes, another opens and I can't wait to see what this year brings me...
Lots of love sunshines,