Wednesday, 23 January 2019

..- clawing my way to okay -...

i have fought, 
i was suffocating, 
i was drowning in my own thoughts..

i don't think anybody understands just how hard it is to get out of your own darkness, you're so used to constantly thinking the worst of yourself that you believe no matter just how badly you get treated that it's alright and it's somehow justified..

but you get stuck. stuck in your darkness and darkness caught off somebody else and that's no way to live. 

you cannot let yourself be a part of the darkness, you've gotta find your own way out or it will slowly eat you up and you'll lose everything you've fought so hard for. 

you fight so goddamn hard for yourself, 
you try so hard to become a better, more confident, happier version of yourself because really that's all you've been trying to be..

happier..

i think everybody's version of happiness is so different and it varies with each person but my version of being happiness is not constantly having to fake being happy.
i'll find myself always saying i'm happy but i think being happy isn't just cutting out the fake shit, allowing yourself to be open.

vulnerability is one of the most powerful things you can allow yourself to be, openness, rawness, that shit is one of the most attractive things to me (just my opinion).

"In a world full of unlimited choices, adore those who go hard for you. Commitment is a very rare thing." 

i've clawed my way out of being a victim to anorexia,
i fought tooth and nail for everything i've got right now.
i used to be physically scared of food, to the point if i got made to eat something i'd just start crying. 

i've clawed my way to okay for this long and let me tell you, there's no stopping me now.

L x