Wednesday, 13 November 2019

..feeling lost.

There's so much going on in my head lately and honestly that's why I haven't wrote in a long ass time.
My last post basically talks about how in love with Tom I am and before I get into this post I probably should mention that we broke up.
It was fucking hard and honestly it's still hard but I've got this.

For a while now, I've been feeling so lost like I just don't fit in anywhere..
I feel like the days get harder and longer whilst to everybody else it's just an average day but to me it's fucking exhausting. 

I go out, get a few bevs in, I do anything to fill the void that constantly fills the loneliest part of me and it works,for a little while until I'm alone in my bedroom at 3am wondering why I'm not good enough.
Why I can't just let it go and stop hurting but I can't do that, I want to feel like the Liv I was before I met him because honestly it's getting a struggle now. 
And I mean, everything's a struggle. Constantly smiling, acting like everything's good and nothing bothers me until it does. 

I changed my hair colour, I got a better position at work, things have started to get better for me but it just doesn't feel like it's getting better mentally and I'm fucking lost. 
I don't feel like I belong anywhere, I feel stuck in everything I do lately and it's honestly gotten to the point where I'm losing who Liv is and I don't even know what makes me happy anymore and that just fucking sucks.

I'll try be a little bit more consistent soon,

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