Wednesday, 31 July 2019

*This little light of mine.*

For as long as I can remember anxiety and depression has been a constant in my life, especially when nothing else really was. 
It plagued me through my teenage years and it only ever got worse, once my eating got better, they got worse, when my eating was just bad them two weren't as bad. They all conflicted one another and nothing ever fit just right.
I could be in a room full of people and still feel the absolute loneliest and I just never fit in. 

I call myself a high functioning depressed person mainly because of the job I work. I'm constantly having to push myself in everything I do, and even though I'm so bloody anxious, I'm so confident in myself and what I do, so I'm abit conflicting.

I met someone. Someone that makes me wake up with a smile because I feel so damn lucky, someone that pushes me out of my comfort zone, someone that makes me try new things and is just one of the best things for me.
Guess I just kinda just love who I am with you.

So here's the thing, as bad as my anxiety can get I push through that and I choose to no longer let mental illness control or be this huge burden in my life. 
Never be afraid of standing out of the crowd, of being different and totally authentic to yourself, be the person you always wish to be.

''Always be a flamingo in a world full of pigeons.''

Thanks for reading and stay groovy guys,
L x


Wednesday, 3 July 2019

aaand she's back!

do you know what?
I had so many thoughts for this post but I'm saying fuck it and we're gonna get real here..


I've had a few people complimenting me lately because I 'look so much happier' and I think being told you look happier is one of the best compliments you can get hands down. and honestly, I am happier. so so much more happier than I thought I'd ever be, i thought i'd forever be stuck in a dead end cycle, feeling more and more insecure as time went on but I personally just wanted more.

Waking up feeling just as bad as the day before isn't how I wanted to spend my teenage years, I'd go from feeling bad to worse and it was a constant cycle that just weren't going anywhere and I got sick and tired of being in my own pity party basically.
When I first started to feel like maybe finally it's time to sort my shit out, I lost someone I regarded as my bestest friend, I came to the conclusion that I felt more like Liv without toxicity in my life.

I faced my insecurities out head on and half the time my anxiety stemmed from me overthinking scenarios that didn't even exist but I'd torment myself by constantly thinking this shit is going to happen. It didn't but I still convinced myself that one day it might.

I have so many people I'm grateful for, especially my family but I have two bestfriends Ilya and Bee and quite honestly, I love em.

They just deserved a little mention but anyway..

In my last post, it's pretty positive and I even contemplated deleting this blog and just getting on with my life but mental health doesn't just go away now you're suddenly feeling brighter.
Everybody has it, it affects every single person, and writing this has been my lifeline for the longest time. I get anxious and irritable whilst being calm and chill at the same time.
I call myself the most outgoing introvert, if you knew me in person a couple years ago, you'd think I was a completely different person nowadays.

BUT, I'm happy.
I have my anxious moments but that's life. I'm finally starting to see a bloody good future and I can't wait to see where this blog takes us.

Lots of love and stay groovy,
L
x