Tuesday, 15 January 2019

- Vulnerability -

allowing yourself to be raw and honest about everything that goes on in that beautiful little head of yours is one of the most powerful things you can do, mainly because you're allowing someone to try and understand a little piece of you just that little bit more personally.

i'm the type of person that longs to be vulnerable and open but i always get so bloody scared so i always just shut down and keep everything to myself, i know it's a really bad way of coping with things but it's what i do.
i wish i could just be 100% open, mainly for the fact things would be SO much easier. i don't think anybody realises just how hard it is to constantly have things going round and round in your head and not have a chance to just get them all out.

so, with this post here's my vulnerability..

i get scared, i get scared that this is all i'll ever be.
change scares me but i long for it, i hate feeling too comfortable in relationships not just romantic ones either, friendships an all that jazz too.

i'm terrified of the dark but i absolutely love to watch the moon and the stars light up the sky, like there's just something really comforting about the moon and the stars.. i always wonder whenever i'm out in the dark that the stars that are the brightest are the people who have passed away, not only in my life but everybody's life.

i'm scared to think of good memories with loved ones that have died because i'll have to come to terms with the fact i'll never see them again.
i miss my grandads, i say grandads because it's plural. both of them are gone, i got the chance to grow up and know one but my other grandad, i'm sad for the fact he never got to know just how much i've grown up to be like my mama.

i fear loss, i fear waking up one morning and everybody's gone and i'm completely alone.

but, i can promise you all this..
these might be fears and they might scare me really badly but they won't stop me from living my life to the fullest.
i want to live a life full of exploration and happiness, i want to do everything and fill my life full of good memories and love and positivity.

i am slowly learning that you don't need to be petty constantly, you need to accept love and be grateful for all that you do have.
depression isn't always going to control my life like it used to, the fear of the unknown isn't going to stop me from taking a gamble in life.

Forever isn't promised, but you can make a legacy that can live on forever.

L x

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