Sunday, 14 October 2018

- long time no write... -

It's been a while since I last posted and it's been even longer since I lost posted frequently so I really do apologise for that. 

So, where do I even begin? 
I want to just confide in you all but I don't even know where to start. 
On the 11th I went to my Grandad's funeral and I did a speech as well, I think I stuttered a little bit but I always do when I get nervous or anxious. I really adored my Grandad but being in a church which I'm not even religious and doing a speech when I have really bad anxiety was so unbelievably hard. 

My heart was beating and I could feel my throat closing up so I just wanted to be over and done with it but the one thing I did so that nobody would know I felt this way was I smiled. I had the biggest smile on my face because I know my Grandad would be smiling if he knew exactly what I was doing. 
I'm not sure how you're supposed to feel when someone passes away but I know there's no wrong or right way to feel. You just feel. 

There's this guy where I work and he'd told me something his Grandad had said to him and basically right now you're a foot soldier, and life throws you these obstacles and it's how you react to them which will either show you you can be a leader or you'l always be a foot soldier. 
And that's stuck with me ever since he said that, I've tried to keep telling myself that when I feel low but sometimes you just react without thinking and that's one thing I urge all of you to not do. 

You've got to think before you do things because every reaction has either an equal reaction or an opposite one. 

- every action has a reaction - 

Before I sign off, I want to firstly thank everybody for reading my blog to begin with and sticking by it with all it's faults. I'm going to try and write more frequently and not be so slack now.

Stay groovy. 

L x