Friday, 12 January 2018

- loneliness -

being mentally ill is draining.
having both anxiety and depression is like two sides constantly in war with eachother, you've got the anxious side of me that would love nothing more than to go out, make more friends etc and then you've got the depressive side of me that would rather take depression naps like 5 times a day, stay up til at least 4am and then sometimes have a lil cry before I sleep then do it all over again the next day..

for a little while now i've had literally no idea of what to write about, i've had no motivation to even write but then i figured why not write about something i'm feeling more frequently so here it is..

i'm not sure why i've suddenly been feeling like this, i just feel really fucking sad. 

i have 5746485929 things going round my head all at once and all i'm doing is overthinking every single little detail. i'll be laid in bed thinking of something that happened literally months ago and i'll get upset and it's a constant cycle of this.
i'm a creature of habit, so when something has changed it completely knocks me and i won't know how to function the same. even if it's the tiniest change, it kinda just knocks a chink off my armor and i'll feel really lost. 
lost and lonely. the two most prominent feelings lately. 

 i tend to keep everything in but my mam always said i'm like a sponge and there's only so much i can take until i explode and just end up crying my eyes out lmao. 
which also doesn't happen often but when it does, it's like i'm broken and i don't wanna feel broken anymore.

i just don't know what to do anymore, and i get frustrated because i have no reason to feel like this but i do and it freaking sucks.

L x

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