Sunday, 9 July 2017

rambling thoughts..

anxiety. is. an. absolute. selfish. bitch.

anxiety itself is like being in a relationship with an abusive partner, it makes you feel insecure, paranoid, and most importantly it makes you feel fear at the thought of slowly getting better. 
i used to be massively self conscious, i guess i still am in a way but i'm alot more chill about myself than i used to be.

suffering with anxiety and depression is like being trapped in a room and all the walls are getting closer and closer and closer until it feels like there's no escape, no way out of this. 
but when you do have those good days which on occasion they do happen, it feels like the chain that's been wrapped around your heart so tightly is slowly getting looser and it feels like the shit you were once petrified of aka relationships - they don't seem so bad. 
nowadays, relationships don't scare me as much as they did but it's more of the being in a relationship, and then one day someone waking up and just deciding they don't want you anymore. i guess that's the only proper fear that i'm feeling regarding it.

i'm the type of person that can be in the car singing bon jovi at the top of my lungs and then all of a sudden my mood just changes and it feels sombre and i need to be in relationships with people aka intimate or friendships with people who understand me in that sense. 

most importantly though, i want people to realise that yes i may have anxiety and depression quite severe but it isn't who i am. 
i absolutely love the beach, whether its sunny or raining. i love exploring with my two bestfriends who honestly i don't even know how they put up with me and i love vibin with like minded people.

i'm not some crazy person (well maybe a lil bit crazy), mental health issues don't define me as a person, we all create our own paths in this world and honestly, me suffering so much with mental health issues has probably made me alot more understanding towards people and i wouldn't change it if i could. 



Stay true to who you are,

L x