Wednesday, 21 June 2017

CLOSURE.

Thankyou. 
Thankyou so goddamn much. 

If you didn't see yesterday or today one of my very old friends commented on one of my darker posts (suicide - part 2).
In that comment he wrote everything that when I was going through some pretty rough stages of my illness I needed to hear, I needed to know really. 

I needed to know that someone was actually sorry for not realising what was going on, I needed to know that someone was actually taking accountability and responsibility even though they wasn't to blame.

Just reading that one word 'sorry' it takes away years of feeling like I'm not worth it, it takes away all the months I spent in my room crying myself to sleep wishing someone would just come and take this pain away. I went through absolute agony mentally and physically, I put my body through hell and back because I thought I wasn't good enough, I constantly told myself I wasn't good enough, I wasn't worth it and I should just end my life then. 
'Sorry' is just a word yes, but its a word that has me in tears right now, it's something I've longed to hear and now I have it's like a fresh start for me. 
I've held onto the past for so long, still feeling pain and still putting myself through this mental torture and now I feel personally that I can start living for me again. I can stop holding onto the past. 

It's been a long ass time since the beginning of my journey of bullying, anxiety, depression and anorexia yet anxiety and my eating is STILL a huge part of my life. It still affects me now, I've got a post currently about to be posted about antidepressants so please look out for that as well.

I feel like this weight has been massively lifted off my chest now and honestly, I'm so thankful. I'm so thankful S because if you hadn't wrote that comment I'd still be holding onto some form of resentment and that's not healthy at all. 

I've finally got what I've longed for, closure.
ThankYOU.

L x