Wednesday, 24 May 2017

- the idea of love -

what is love?

love is thinking of someone else's feelings when you make decisions, love is ordering two lots of food just in case the other person wants any as well, love is allowing someone to break your heart but trusting that they won't. 
love is allowing someone to see the dark part of yourself that you'd rather be hidden to the world, love is allowing yourself to feel vulnerable and open.
love is trying so fucking hard for someone, for them to know that they are yours completely and undeniably. 

we all have some kinda love in us, whether it be for another human or an animal, or even just whatever makes you the fucking happiest. For me, what truly makes me the happiest are the words inside my brain. words are so so powerful and voices are probably more powerful yet people don't write and don't talk about issues that need to be spoken about. 
we lack the mindset that allows us to have conversations about what isn't good in the world. 

the idea that we are all so capable of love yet some of us choose to be toxic is quite mind blowing to me, nobody was born full of hate and nobody is taught to be neglectful of other peoples feelings yet we live in some societal mess that says we should just accept the love that's given to us. 
we shouldn't always have to be cold and closed off. 

i used to speak to someone that thought it was perfectly okay to hurt me because i'd never leave. i'd never leave him like the several times he'd left me, mainly for the fact i actually felt love for him, i accepted his flaws, his mistakes, his fears. i became jealous of the way he'd be fine without me, how the way i'd be breaking and crying myself to sleep yet he'd be fine, going to see his mates, doing drugs, not. giving. a. simple. fuck. 

but the thing is with love, it isn't restrictive and it doesn't stop at loving others. you possibly cannot love another human being intimately if you don't love yourself the same way. you can never ever stop learning about yourself. what you like, what you dislike, what your favourite thing is about yourself.  
i learned to love myself, inside and out. i used to hate the way my body looked, i'd literally be so grossed out at myself but i learnt that the little lines and beauty marks on my body are what makes me, me. 
i weren't ever that confident in my body but i'll admit i'm obsessed with it, it never gave up on me and honestly, i deserve to feel so goddamn proud of it. i've came along way from being that girl who would starve herself to now allowing herself to eat whatever the fuck she wants without feeling guilty. 

love is a very powerful emotion and it isn't to be fucked around with. 

L x