Wednesday, 10 May 2017

..love part 2?

the fear of love.

love in itself is scary,
you have to build this trust with another human being, 
you have to learn their likes and dislikes,
they have to learn yours,
you have to commit to another human being and trust that they won't drop you when shit hits the fan.

I once had a bestfriend that I wrote about alot in this blog and he'd even write posts when I couldn't form a proper sentence let alone a whole post but he left, I've wrote countless amount of posts about him leaving etc as well.
However, before I started dating him, I had this idea of what love is and it's all sunshine and rainbows and unicorns but it's quite the opposite.

The problem is,
Love isn't 100% all of the time.
Some of the time I'd go to sleep after an argument and cry because I knew like I literally had this gut feeling that he'd leave and choose something better. I knew it wouldn't last forever but I thought he was my forever.

Love scares me, lets get real for a second..
I've got this fear about relationships, like I know who I want to be with but things aren't always black and white yano? There's always the grey areas surrounding these things..
I used to be the most paranoid, insecure person ever.

I have this bestfriend that taught me how to get over someone that didn't love me back, and to be quite honest he was absolutely brutal with me, he told me the things I needed to hear but didn't want too. Of course I didn't always listen and ended up more hurt than I thought I coulda been but some guy hurting me again made me and my bestfriend the closest so I thank you Mr Fucking Heartbreaker.

Love.
Love isn't crying yourself to sleep overthinking about what you did wrong,
Love isn't second guessing yourself,
Love isn't accepting hurt in fear that they'll leave,
Love isn't being on your guard 24/7.

Right now, I have come across alot of people's perceptions of love and I feel so many different types of love.. I feel love so strongly and passionately like I never do anything half assed especially when it comes to this.
I'm literally obsessed with my bestfriend, I'd even go as far as saying I'm his biggest fan the wally.
I wanna be with someone that I can just sing and jam out with, I wanna be with someone that's a complete bloody dork but the best type of dork. Someone that just gets me and I wanna feel like he's the person I've been missing out on my entire life like I just want shit to feel right.

L x