Thursday, 2 March 2017

...a letter to the future love of my life.

a letter to the future love of my life..

It won't be easy and that's good though because anything worth it is never easy. 
Being in a relationship with someone that has struggled as much as I have with my mental health nothing's ever going to be easy however, all I ask from you is understanding. 
Understanding that not everything's going to be sunshine and rainbows but when sunshine and rainbows do happen it's the best fucking thing in the world.

I just want you to understand something that no man that I've spoken too has, love cannot cure anxiety or depression, love can't make me not want to starve myself but your understanding and you just being there could help me massively. There's days that I'm physically not gonna be able to step foot out the house but then there's gonna be days where we can go out and go on some mad adventure just because we can. 

There's going to be times where it gets tougher and I'll need you to understand that I can't be that confident woman you fell in love with all the time because it's absolutely exhausting. It's exhausting trying to not always let my feelings get the better of me and I notice ABSOLUTELY everything so if the replies get shorter or you change the way you're talking from usual, I'll notice even if you don't mean too it's still there.
However, when I do have my bad days you'll have to understand and learn that I will try and push you away, I will act like the coldest bitch and act like I don't care but once you understand me without my anxiety then you'll understand the way my body reacts to a bad day.

I want you to not give up on me no matter how fucking difficult I make it, I want you to fight for me and then eventually I'll stop testing you and I'll trust you and if you know me as well as you should then you'll know that's something that doesn't come naturally to me so just be patient and it'll work out perfectly.

Please don't give up on me,

L x