Monday, 20 February 2017

time to talk day.

Whenever somebody asks me why I write about mental health I never just say one reason because there isn't. 
I write because I struggled for years with mental illnesses, I was so embarrassed to even admit I was struggling. I always thought people would think differently of me because of it and I'm not gonna lie some people do think differently of me but they don't matter in my life, it's always the strongest people that have struggles and then can eventually overcome them. 

People get uncomfortable talking about mental health mainly for the fact they don't understand, so they'll make it a taboo subject which it really shouldn't be. We all talk about our physical health so why is our mental state completely different? 
There needs to be a continuous talk about mental health because quite frankly the word 'depressed' gets thrown around so so much. I was talking to someone earlier and they said they broke their watch and was so depressed, REALLY? You're depressed over a watch breaking, okay sweetheart. 
Depression isn't something to laugh about and it isn't a term you can throw around lightly, depression is extremely fucking crippling and it's an invisible disability because nobody else can see it but it's there and it never fucking leaves. 

I talk about mental health because not talking almost killed me. My parents nearly lost a daughter, my siblings nearly lost a sister and whilst on this mental health journey of mine I never realised how much of an impact it had on my family. I always think it only affected me because I was the one not eating or anything but that really affected my family on a level I can't even begin to explain.

You only truly learn who's gonna stick around and have your back when you're at your lowest and I realised that the only people that truly had my back was my family. Especially my mama, I've wrote so much about her in so many other posts but she really is a godsend. She fought so hard for me in School meetings, she was my voice when I lost mine. I couldn't talk about my emotions still can't really because I hate feeling vulnerable with people. I hate people seeing me like that or knowing truly what goes through my head. 
My emotions scare me as well because I never want to feel 100% about a person because so many people have left me and I always act like it doesn't bother me yet it does, my bestfriend chose drugs over me, my friends chose other people and it seemed like everyone forgot about me.

Talking IS okay, it doesn't make you weak infact talking and allowing people to break your barriers down is one of the strongest things you can do regarding mental illness, talking literally saved me and it can save so many other people too it just takes alot more people to understand and nurture those that truly need nurturing. They'll thank you in the long run. 

Learn to listen and you may just change lives,

L x