Wednesday, 8 November 2017

- trust issues/insecurities -

insecurities! i'm pretty sure absolutely everyone has them, you can be mega confident and still at the back of your mind have those little things that still kinda bug you but you never really let it show. 
for instance, my trust issues create more insecurities for me. 

because of a lovely thing called anxiety, that makes my trust and my trust in things so so much worse. i constantly second guess peoples motives because i think what's on their agenda, why're they suddenly being so lovely?!?!
my biggest issue is trust. it's hard to open up when i feel like im constantly getting mugged off by people. i'll be honest now, i don't really have many friends pretty much for this exact reason.

when i was alot younger i was overly confident i guess, i just didn't have any cares in the world and eventually i wanna get back to being like that because honestly, i don't want the little things to constantly go round and round and round in my head. you can't escape and get out your own head so what're you gonna do? it's like a kettle, it boils and boils and boils til it eventually gets too hot and simmers and all that condensation is everywhere.

i have this one insecurity that's constantly going through my head and ima share it with you all now..
relationships. relationships itself don't make me insecure, it's the loving someone with everything i've got and them suddenly not feel the same.
waking up one day so full of love for someone and it just isn't reciprocated.

i overthink. about absolutely EVERYTHING. i overthink about situations that haven't even happened and i get mad over it, i pretty much put myself in a bad mood by thinking about things over and over and over again.

anxiety, depression and many many other mental illnesses are fckin awful. to live on a day to day basis suffering so badly that most days you can't even force yourself to get out of bed, that you don't even have the energy to shower or just change pajamas, that's when you know somethings gotta change. whether it mean you reach out to someone and let them know you're struggling or get help by professionals.
i've still got so much stuff to work on on myself, and i've just got to get to a place where i no longer second guess the people that i love. constantly thinking that they're gonna eventually up and leave and then me constantly needing reassurance just makes me feel like a burden really and that's my motivation to change i guess.

i'll try get more posts written more frequently but anxiety/depression are really kicking my arse at the minute.

L x

1 comment:

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