Sunday, 15 October 2017

- mama's lil traveller -

let me just first point out that i suffer with depression and anxiety, two very destructive awful things. 
i used to date this guy James and then it ended because he went off to uni blah blah blah. 
he stayed my bestfriend and nothing really changed, i'd always said if he ever wanted me to com see him i would and this is exactly how this post came to exist..

Friday the 13th possibly unluckiest of days came - i was on my way to see my bestfriend and let me just tell you, i had the WORST nervous belly, my brain was literally screaming all the bad things that could happen but honestly i was desperate to see him again so i said fuck you to my brain and followed my heart.. (best decision ever)

i went on a fuck tonne of trains and honestly i thought i'd get lost because i'm awful at directions but thankfully (praise the lord) i didn't once get lost..
and then came the moment i saw him, in all his glory. 
all that was going through my head was "god. i've missed him. he's so frickin handsome."
just thinking about it now makes me go all teary eyed, the last time i saw him was way before he'd even left for uni so to see him then god, i was so happy.
he grabbed my hand and we made our way back to his mates car, we'd gone into his room and my heart was bursting with love for him. i just wanted to tell him everything i never said when we first dated and i just wanted him to know that no matter how long i'd wait. 

there's several things this trip has taught me but here's most important - 

1 - appreciate the things and the people around you, appreciate the change and most importantly value them around you because it's an amazing feeling knowing someone actually wants you around.

2 - never ever let anxiety win. never do it, never let it control you and stop you from doing the things you really wanna. anxiety sucks. it's frickin awful but you know what? it's not as strong and as powerful as it thinks it is. you have the power to overrule it, yes it may be hard and you might be so goddamn scared but being a lil scared is okay.

L x

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