Friday, 8 September 2017

- recent thoughts -

recently well, for a while now i've just felt 'different'. my moods have been different, the way i feel about things have been different and just what i want in life has been so much different.

my last couple of posts have either been about self realisation or love. which are clearly two very important things in my life. 
and basically, i just wanna write down everything that's bothered me or been bothering me so i hope you all don't mind. 

i'm not an ordinary person, i have a heart full of magic yet i can be so guarded. 
i don't just want any other love, i want something that you can physically feel, i want a love that radiates wherever i go. 
i want a love that happens once in a lifetime yet you remember til your old and grey unless you're one of the lucky ones that stay together through all the rain and storms to the sunshine and good stuff. 

i don't want a love that's simple and easy because it's doubtful that a love like that would even last, i want to be with someone that no matter how hard it gets never gives up on us or me, no matter what the people closest to us think of our relationship, i want to be able to put a united front on and show them that we're sticking together throughout it all. but to find someone that loves just as furiously as i do, is an absolute challenge.
in life, not everyone is gonna love the way you love, so trying to find someone that does you gotta keep them around no matter how hard it gets. 

i do have massive trust issues which honestly i'm trying to work on, but it's hard to believe someone's genuine motives and intentions with me when not only do i have trust issues, i suffer quite badly with anxiety also so i'm ALWAYS second guessing myself and the other person. i don't mean to doubt them like i want nothing more than to just be able to trust my 'guy' but it's just hard when everything just seems so bleak. 

all i truly want is someone who'll always hype me up and i'll always do the same, someone who never stops trying to impress me even after so long of being together, someone who never stops trying.. oh and also, someone who comments on all my selfies {because duh}

all i want is to love and be loved,

L x

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