Thursday, 7 September 2017

- fears within relationships -

throughout most relationships i've had i've written about them on my blog, apart from my last one i guess that was kinda hidden. not because i didn't want anyone to know about him but because i was so scared of it going bad. 

i used to have serious commitment issues, not because i couldn't commit to one guy but because i didn't want to give 120% and just get 20% back you know? and i didn't wanna commit if i didn't think the other person had good intentions..

i'll tell you all a lil story, something not many people know actually..
i fell in love with my best friend, i always kept my feelings hidden so i'd act like a dick the majority of the time but that was just my personality like i guess you could say i was a loveable dick? haha my bad..
we'd go everywhere, we went to the beach SO many times, and also another lil story it was at the top of a cliff where i first told him i was in love with him too..
but anyway back to the main point, i was in love with my best friend and that absolutely scared me. 
i have this huge fear already of losing people and if i lost my boyfriend and my best friend i felt like i'd just be fucking broken man, like proper.

so i kept my feelings hidden until one day i just couldn't do it, i wanted him to be mine, i wanted the world to see just how goddamn lucky i was to even have him and as soon as i got him, it didn't last long til i fucked up.

and my overthinking, my fears that were always lingering in the back of my mind ruined something that could have been amazing got ruined in seconds. 

so lemme tell you all a lil piece of advice, 
if you want someone, tell them, no matter how scared you're feeling. 
you literally have nothing to lose and so much to gain. 
i waited too long to tell my person but it doesn't have to be like that for you all.

L x

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