Tuesday, 22 August 2017

- self realisation/part2 -

How can I even start this post?
 There's so many things I wanna say, but most of all I want to explain how goddamn proud of you I am. 
I wish I'd have said this instead of reacting so badly, and I'm sorry for that. I always put my defensive up when I think I'm even gonna have to seem vulnerable. It's stupid I know, but it's what I've always done in almost every situation like this.

I want you to see yourself how I see you, the funny, caring, smart, handsome guy that you are. I'm so proud to even be able to call you my bestfriend, you irritate me so much but honestly I wouldn't change you even if I could. 
You make me smile when I don't wanna, you make me cry with happiness and quite honestly I don't know where I'd be if you weren't around. 

You've been there for highs and lows, good and bad times.. in all the time we've known each other we've only gone 11 days without speaking and the 4 days are recently..
You make me feel different even if we're only hanging out, you can be my biggest supporter and my biggest fan sometimes and I'd honestly never change that about you. 

We bonded because we practically hated the same things and we liked drinking so that's what we'd do, we'd rant and drink and I absolutely loved it. 
I remember the night we first met, I'd messaged you at about 10pm asking if you FINALLY wanted to meet and at about 11pm you came. 

We had probably the most awkward first hug but I knew when we sat in your car just talking that you'll forever be some part of my life. 
We stayed talking and from the first day we started talking we've been talking ever since and we kinda became inseparable.
We've gone ghost hunting in Thetford Forrest, we've been to so many beaches but our fav of all the beaches we've been to is Weybourne.
The amount of times, you me and Jade went there is ridiculous but it made me so goddamn happy you don't even know. 
I appreciate everything you've done for me way more than you realise..
You're a special kinda guy so please never ever let anybody treat you like you're average because you're so so far from that. 

I love you peanut,

L x




Sunday, 20 August 2017

.. for my bestfriend.

you're leaving
overcome with emotion 
i fight back the tears 
holding my pride and my ego close
showing no vulnerability 

losing you 
the pain is like losing a limb
clyde to my bonnie we were 
as thick as thieves 

grief stricken 
full of pain
full of confusion 
but most of all
full of regret
for the things 
i never said 

-----------------

growing apart is 
the worst thing about relationships 
with people

you're on your path and 
they're finding theirs
whilst they're on this journey 
of self discovery
- the distance gets further
and further apart

grieving for a person 
that's still alive but out of my life
tear soaked pillows from crying myself to sleep

please just wake me up from this nightmare already

Friday, 11 August 2017

a poem about eating disorders//

walking through a 
dark alley
with this creature 
following you
keeping track of your 
every move 

''Is anybody there?'' 
it suddenly snaps
your laid on your bathroom floor
passed out
last nights dinner still in the toilet 
and swollen eyes 
from crying yourself to sleep

why won't you just 
leave me alone?
just. leave. me. alone. 

you reply with
''We are one, dear girl.''