Friday, 30 June 2017

- weight issues -

HEY!!! Hope you're all good and healthy and ready for another post.. 
let's get to it.

Ever since I developed the relationship I now have with my weight, it's been a constant rollercoaster of ups and downs. Don't get me wrong I'm not 100% recovered and there's obviously so so many chances I could fuck it all up and get back to my old eating habits and get ill again I know that it's always gonna be there no matter how long I've been in recovery for, the road to get ill again is still gonna be just round the corner. 

My eating doesn't reflect on what mood I'm in so much now but if I'm having a bad day I'll barely eat, I get this HUGE like weight on my chest and my throat closes up. 
I am always on my guard with eating because I don't want to be back in that place, it's probably one of my biggest fears. Getting sick again, honestly I've worked so goddamn hard to be in the position I am in right now. I know how easy it is to fall back into old patterns and it's happened before, I've slipped up so many times that I don't believe I'd make it this time. 

The other day I did something I never ever thought I'd have the confidence to do, and that's put on a bikini AND wear it with no cover ups at the beach. I honestly felt like any issues I've had with my body before just left, I was probably the most confident I've ever felt. 
I guess there's just something so fucking freeing to drop all your insecurities and put them to the back of your head and just love yourself, whether it's for a day or a couple hours or a week, It is so freeing to not look in the mirror and wish you could change almost everything about yourself, wishing you looked differently, etc. 

I always preach about loving yourself and loving your body but I'm only human and I can't be 100% all of the time, but I can try, and tr and build on it every single time. 

I've spoken about love in several older posts and loving yourself and loving someone else come hand in hand, if you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else? 
Stop comparing yourself to others and love who YOU are, 
I love my red crimson hair, 
I love my beauty marks, 
I love my stretch marks..

Hope you've all had a wonderful day/night wherever you may be, 

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L x

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