Monday, 8 May 2017

mental health awareness week..

This week isn't going to change anything, it isn't going to suddenly make everyone nicer, more open minded and less of a dick.
It's not going to suddenly make everyone realise that mental health is an actual illness, it's not going to make politicians more aware of how bad it can get, it isn't going to make people like Piers Morgan realise that it can be so deadly, it affects men, women, young and old. 

But what it can do is help people in need. It can show people that haven't told anyone how they feel that they aren't alone. It can help parents of young people struggling and it can guide people to find the right resources when needed.

Talking helps.
 This is coming from someone who absolutely hates talking about feelings and just hates feeling vulnerable. 
I didn't wanna talk, I didn't wanna tell anybody. I was so scared of what people would think and if they'd even understand because I didn't understand the things that were going round and round in my head. 
So how could anybody else?

I always thought I could just get over it and I didn't need anyone's help. 

I couldn't just 'get over it'. I couldn't make myself better when all I was really doing was making myself worse. Bottling up all these negative, angry thoughts, keeping them going round and round in my head. 
I thought if people ever knew I was struggling they'd think I was weak and pathetic, I thought I'd let my mum down. 
I didn't want my dad or my siblings to know. 

I was petrified of how differently I'd be treated. I'd stay up late and think about what would my family think if I suddenly told them how things really were? 

How would my brother react? He's one of the strongest people I know and honestly, I thought he'd think it was just attention seeking and pathetic. 

BUT, I opened up. I told my mum aka my life saver. 
She would spend nights researching about what to do, how she could get help for me, especially at school. 
She'd take me to the doctors and I'd have to have appointments almost every week, I'd always see leaflets about this charity called 'Beat' all about eating disorders and for once I felt some hope.

I didn't realise how many people were feeling the exact same as myself, I thought nobody would understand but the amount of people that actually do and they aren't even just saying that either. They know how it really is to live with mental illnesses. 
If you're struggling right now and you happen to read this post, I want YOU to know that although it really fucking sucks right now, it does ease up once you tell someone whether that's a friend, a family member or you speak to someone anonymously on a charity website. 

''Depression isn't beautiful. Depression is bad hygiene, dirty dishes and a sore body from sleeping to much. '' 
Depression isn't you and your mental illness/es aren't YOU.

YOU are strong.
YOU are courageous,
YOU are worth it.

You aren't alone, it feels like you are but you really aren't. There's so many people out there that feel the exact way you do and there's so many people that just wanna help you feel better as well.

This young girl here - this is me. I was able to get help and I was able to finally get somewhat of a grip of my mind. 
I know shit isn't always going to be good, but I also know it isn't always going to be bad either.

Please don't give up on yourselves. 

L x