Sunday, 19 February 2017

What I want people to understand...

Alot of people don't understand mental illnesses and therefore they struggle to understand me as a person so I'm gonna let you all know a little of me..

I used to need to have control that's why I stopped eating, I wasn't in control of what happened at school or anything but I was so in control of what I put into my body. I stopped eating for a long long time, I became secretive and extremely paranoid people would find out that I was starving myself. 
Eventually they did and after a while of trying to change my eating - I eventually managed to overcome my eating issues however they are still there always constantly in the back of my mind. 

I have anxiety. Although that doesn't stop me from going out and meeting new people. 
I used to be so scared of just leaving my own house that I'd cry if I even had too, I'd make so many excuses as to why I can't meet up with people. I don't really talk to anybody because of it as well. People don't realise that anxiety stops you from doing the things other people find normal, like I can't just go out and become friends with people because I have this HUGE fear of eventually someone just deciding they don't want me around so that's why I won't bother that much with people.

I distance myself from people because so so many people I got attached too had left me without any explanation or good enough reason. I get attached probably way too quickly to people as well which always fucking sucks because then I become way too forward about shit which puts alot of people off.
However, once you really get to know me you'll realise I'm ridiculously loyal and I always have your back, I may be blunt sometimes but I do care, I care way more than people realise and sometimes on the rare occasion I set my expectations way too high so I end up just disappointing myself. 
I don't mean to be closed off either like I'm really trying to not be but it's hard I guess.

Love yourself before you love anybody else,

L x

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