Monday, 23 January 2017

What I want you to know about my mental illness?...

It isn't me.
It isn't a choice.
I hate it.

If I could pick a life without anxiety I'd have it without a second thought. Fair enough my anxiety isn't as bad as it used to be but it still has its moments and when it does, it hits me like a tonne of bricks.
Having anxiety isn't being nervous about something or if your mood changes because of it it doesn't mean I'm moody. It means I need understanding and I need you to realise that this isn't a choice to me at all.

I'd rather just be moody then feel this anxious, anxiety is fucking crippling and it stops you from doing so so many things. There was a point where my anxiety was that bad I couldn't even leave my own fucking house, I don't have many friends and the friends I do have I don't even dare talk to them about this. I used to feel like I'm some broken mess that can't ever be fixed and these past few weeks have shown that I'm not broken, not even a little bit but I still have hurdles to go through and I have to realise that it isn't just going to go away that easy.

I always feel like I have to put this facade on, I know it seems so silly but I use my make up as my confident self. I wear it every single day and it makes me so goddamn happy because it's a like a new liv on top of the old liv and honestly, that's why I wear make up.
It makes me happy.

The media shows mental illness as being someone crazy that hurts people or kills people etc. You know people have murdered and hurt so so many people and then they've pleaded insanity, alot of people have done horrible crimes because of certain undiagnosed however not that doesn't mean everyone with a mental illness is someone crazy.
The stigma is so so high surrounding mental health that so many people don't speak up that are needing the help because they get so afraid of what people will say. People judge if you try and get help and people will judge if you don't - so YOU have to ignore the people that are hatin and focus on the ones that are trying to help because they'll only deter you from feeling better within yourself.

One thing I'd like people to not do though is take pity or sympathy on me, I have got over years of bullying, I have gotten over an eating disorder - I AM a fucking warrior.

L x

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