Thursday, 26 January 2017

The one that got away.

I used to think so badly of myself like when I'd meet new people I'd be so insecure that they'd just leave and I'd really try to distance myself from everybody new.
I had a bestfriend and when he knew me I was so fucking insecure that he'd leave and I was ridiculously paranoid then too.

He always told me that he'd never leave etc and for a while a part of me believed him until one day he found something that was better than me. Drugs.
And if you've followed my blog since my birthday then you'll know he stood me up for that as well.

The title of this post is kinda misleading really because he isn't the one that got away. I am.
For the first time, I'm going to do a blog post that's positive about myself so if you have an ex too that never deserved you then this goes out to you.

I miss my bestfriend, I do. However, there comes a point where something just clicks in your brain and you finally realise that you don't need them, you couldn't rely on them because they were unreliable and they weren't consistent so you distance yourself, and it's okay to miss the person they were but you have to realise they aren't that person.

I've left alot of people who just straight up don't deserve me. I struggled so fucking much with realising my self worth so now that I do I'm not going to let someone treat me that badly and just continually make me look stupid. I'm not about that.
After I stopped speaking to my bestfriend, I saw a canvas he got me - an elephant one. I also found a hammer on my bedroom floor (don't ask why I had a hammer, I don't fucking know) but I literally took a hammer to it, I destroyed the canvas but I felt so fucking good afterwards.

I was so angry, angry that he made me look like a fucking idiot but it's been quite a while now and I'm genuinely happy. People have still come and gone in and outta my life but that's okay because they obviously wasn't meant to stay but right now I'm grateful for my bestfriend leaving, - he probably won't read this but thankyou, I appreciate you for choosing drugs over me because you made me reevaluate myself and I realised I deserved better. I deserved better than someone that could be that influenced by something so toxic.

Let's all give a toast to shitty ex's.

Don't cry over people who don't deserve you, you're WAY better than that. 

L x

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