Sunday, 1 January 2017

2O16.

I'm gonna do a little recap of this year so when it comes to doing a recap of 2017 it'll be so much better.

So, I hope you all had a good Christmas and new year etc, so I hope you all enjoyed yourselves and was safe.

When 2016 started I was a constant nervous wreck, my anxiety was at it's almost highest. I was in a relationship yet I was always waiting for it to fuck up, like as horrible as it sounds. I always thought it was the calm before the storm, I was so prepared for it to go wrong that when it was going right I couldn't fully appreciate the moment for what it was. But when it did go wrong, I'd be like 'I told you so!!!!' I'd be so petty about it and that just wasn't necessary, it was just a way of me not getting hurt I guess.
In May, me and him went to Comic Con and I was truly genuinely happy. That was one of the best times I remember in that relationship, we always watched Storage Wars so when I actually met Sean Kelly I literally couldn't talk. I was speechless and so so nervous haha.
Even when we went to London to go to Comic Con we argued then, over the most pointless shit like we argued about cheese for gods sake.

In January I started this blog and I've met so so many amazing people through this, I'm just gonna shout out a few.. @findmyway37, @Mike_Douglas_, @lauracloughley.. and many many more. When I first started writing I thought noone would read this or people would and noone would like it and I honestly hope I've helped atleast 1 person because noone should ever have to suffer with mental illness alone. With me writing this blog I've wrote about everything, for example.. any arguments me and my ex had, going to Comic Con, getting heartbroken, I've wrote about the things in my life that I'd like to look back on and realise how strong I've been about it.

Having anxiety and depression hasn't been easy, going through things that I never thought I'd have too hasn't been easy but I've got some real strong people around me. My mama is one of the strongest people I know, the amount of shit I've given her over the years I'm surprised she hasn't given up on me yet but growing up SHE was my voice, she fought so hard for me, every single School meeting I had she'd be there with loads of evidence an shit to back up what she was saying. My mama literally never gave up on making sure the School knew they fucked up and I'm so fucking grateful I have her in my corner.

It's funny because whenever my mama was at work, my sister would always keep a watch on me. I remember being in a lesson and all of a sudden I got told someone was in the office for me so I got all my stuff and my sister had literally walked to the school and told the headmaster about some girl's status about me. Although she's extremely protective I'm really glad I've got her, we argue and I don't always be the best to her but she's honestly the bestest thing in this world not including my mama.

ANYWAY..

Back to 2016..

This year my relationship ended, I met some really awesome people and I couldn't be happier. I never thought I'd be able to be one of them people that can always go out and still enjoy it and I do, that doesn't mean I don't love staying in too but I got so used to always staying in and just sticking to myself and now I'm slowly being freed by my anxiety I can cope with going out. There are always gonna be them days where I just wake up still wanting to not exist but it's manageable now, if I wake up and have a bad day then I know I still have to get up, eat and then shower and get ready for the day and slowly it'll become better. I usually just listen to Beyonce and remember I've got this shit, I can conquer the world if I put so much effort into it.

My weight. My body has always been a touchy subject for me because I used to suffer with a bad eating disorder and ever since it's been up and down, whenever I'm sad I won't eat. I literally cannot force myself either because my throat closes up like I've got a lump in my throat and I get more upset because I wanna eat but I can't and there just isn't any point trying when I'm just gonna feel worse.

However, I don't have the eating habits I had a couple months ago. I do eat, I eat what I want without thinking I'm gonna put weight on, It's something that doesn't really bother me that much anymore. I'm really happy with how I look now and I'm actually pretty confident with myself and even that just makes me happy because I was never super confident about my body.
I'm still going to write alot but I want to just find what truly makes me happy and I hope you'll all still be with me on this little journey of mine.
We've got over 21 thousand views on this blog and I'm so happy. Literally whenever someone asks what I do, I say I'm a blogger and I love explaining to people what I do and write about because not many people understand it so when they actually take an interest it just makes me happy. This blog in itself makes me happy, writing about all the bullshit I've gone through and the shit that goes through my head it's alot easier for me than talking about it and I'm glad I have this little outlet.

I never thought I'd still be writing to be honest, I'm truly happy that it's helping more and more people understand anxiety and depression and just mental illness in general.

let's talk!!
twitter - @LiVNiZZZLE
instagram - livnizzzle_
gmail  - livnizzzle@gmail.com

Stay groovy loves.

L x

2 comments:

  1. It sounds like it's been a rollercoaster of a year. But it's been one where there is so much personal growth. It can be easy to drift through life without doing or thinking about yourself. I think you have had challenges and not just over come them, but your have gotten stronger because of those situations.
    I'm so proud to be your friend, here's to a happy and healthy 2017

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  2. It's been absolutely crazy but I'm glad it all happened. ThankYOU for reading this post and just being a lovely human being in general, Much love xxx

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