Monday, 12 December 2016


The problem with society these days is that everybody falls in love with the words people tell you, promises people make to you that eventually turn out to be bullshit but everybody's gotta realise it's the actions that matter. You can't sit at your computer posting how you're this big campaigner for mental health yet do nothing about it.

If you want to make a change in this world you gotta be the change, you gotta envision that the change is gonna happen and then it shall. There's only one person stopping you from doing anything in this world and that's YOU. Instead of always using the words 'I am' negatively about yourself, how bout you all say this?

''I am powerful.''
''I am strong.''
''I am healthy.''
"I am worth it."

Just because you've got negative influences around you that doesn't mean you have to be stuck in their mindset, if you keep telling yourself ' I am overweight, I am ugly, I am broke' then you'll get in this bad habit of being like fuck it, I'm ugly and fat and broke anyway. When I was ill I didn't give a fuck about anything, especially myself. I didn't care how I looked or what people thought of me because I knew it was obvious that I was ill anyway so eventually after me hiding it for a while I stopped caring, and that's the lowest you can go.

I was always bothered about my appearance before I got ill, I'd always do my hair and my make up an all that jazz. But I just stopped, and at that point of my life I literally hated myself and I'd given up on myself.

BUT one day I had this fire inside my heart and I'd decided I don't wanna give up on me anymore, I want more than just this for myself so I fought back. I conquered alot of my demons, I slowly recovered from anorexia.. although alot of the time I did have setbacks but I still continued to fight because I knew I was alot stronger than this and I wasn't ever going to let anorexia or anxiety beat me.

Never give up on yourself because the only person that can and will ever fight for you is yourself, and I know it's so so fucking hard to get out of that negative mindset about yourself. When I was ill my family would ask me if I'd start to try and eat more for them and I just didn't have it in me. Never be afraid of the struggle because the struggle has to happen before the sunshine appears.

And now, I'd just like to thank each and every one of you that has read this blog because this has helped me overcome so so many things and I hope it's helped you all too. When I first started reading I thought nobody would be interested or would read it but we're at almost 15 thousand views and I'm so fucking proud of how far we've all come with this. Depression, anxiety, eating disorders, mental illness in general isn't an easy thing to deal with especially if you're dealing with it on your own as well.
This blog is my safe place, I write when I'm sad, when I'm happy and I hold absolutely nothing back. So I hope that whoever's reading this now feels like they're not alone because no matter where you are in the world, no matter who you are.. you ALWAYS can get in touch with me because you have me.

ThankYOU all for reading this again, and I appreciate every single one of you.

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Do you ever meet someone that literally makes you just not feel anything but happy?

Well, I met someone in super weird circumstances but they're actually a really great person. On the evening of my birthday that's when we started talking and straight off the bat he made me laugh, like I felt ridiculously comfortable and that shit is new to me because I never do that. I never feel that at ease with somebody and it really surprised me.

I'm starting to allow myself to meet new people and you know it's never going to be something that just comes naturally for me but I literally felt so in my element and that's just kinda overwhelming for me because I've never met someone that makes me feel like that, ever.
After I saw him like I couldn't stop smiling because for the first time in months I was truly content,
With the way shits gone recently I just needed to allow myself to be free of the shit that bothers me and I did that yesterday, which feels like an absolute weight off my chest too.

I really enjoyed myself yesterday and I'm glad I gave myself that opportunity to meet someone new because we laughed alot, we got to know each other and really it was great, plus he's got extremely cute dogs so that's always a bonus.

I'll admit, I was extremely fucking anxious about meeting him but as soon we spoke I was just at ease, like I'd known him for longer than like what 3 days? I didn't really have any anxieties going round my head and I haven't felt like that for a very long time with somebody and although it was a dead odd feeling cos I haven't actually felt like that, it made me really just want to stop letting my anxiety get in the way of absolutely everything (which I do)..

I'm actually genuinely happy I met him, although he's a douchebag, he's a funny douchebag so it works.

YAY for conquering anxiety!!