Wednesday, 28 September 2016


I don't even know if this post has a purpose or if I'll even keep it up but I just have to vent and let my thoughts out otherwise I know I'll cry or text someone I shouldn't..

Honestly, my emotions are so goddamn conflicted right now. This week I've gone out alot, I've smiled so goddamn much yet I miss my bestfriend. Forget the fact we were in a relationship but that wasn't how it all started, we were friends and then best friends for so long before we'd even gave this a try. I remember drunk calling him and ranting that some guy's broken my heart but that's another story. He was my bestfriend when everybody else fucked off, this stranger took the time to stay up til 5am nearly everyday to just talk to me about random shit that barely made sense, but that's why our conversations worked so well.

On Monday I hadn't smiled that much in so fucking long, just the way somebody treated me and acted towards me was honestly the best feeling. I hadn't felt like that in such a long time. I'd started to question my own worth and that I'm not good enough, so for someone to treat me that well like I honestly could get used to it..

And now, I'm ready to say goodbye..

Thankyou Rhys, for being my bestest friend and the person I wanted to give my heart too. I'm sorry it didn't work out but I hope one day someone makes you feel the way I felt on Monday because it's a fucking great feeling. I hope everything works out for you in the end and I wish you all the happiness in the world. I love you always.

ALWAYS be dignified.

I started writing this post honestly about to cry and now I feel like this massive weight has been lifted off my chest and after this post there won't be any more relationship type posts..



When is the RIGHT time to move on?...

No amount of time is the right time.. There's not a certain amount of time that's right.

I believe in feelings though and when you meet someone that makes your smile bigger than ever and your eyes wider then that's the right time. Whether it's weeks or months or even years after the relationship ended, you'll know when the right time is when you meet someone that makes you feel lucky that it didn't work out with anybody else before.

I'll be honest, as my relationship was slowly dying down and fading into the shit storm it became, I still held hope out for it even when the other person didn't believe in it or me anymore and I know me clinging onto the rubble of the relationship was because I was scared to feel that way for anybody else, I hate feeling vulnerable so putting myself in that situation again with someone else didn't feel right.
You can go from feeling safe and secure around someone to feeling like you don't know them anymore and that's absolutely fine - people change, I changed and matured whilst some people just stuck to what they do best and you can NEVER make people change, they'll only change if they want too.

If somebody makes you feel so goddamn happy then go for it because the person that deserves happiness is ALWAYS you! There's no need to keep grieving over a relationship that obviously isn't going to work out again, be happy with someone that makes you feel like you're their world.

And ALWAYS remain dignified.

O x