Wednesday, 31 August 2016

hi.

Hey you guys.
This post isn't gonna be about a certain topic, I'm just gonna write how I'm feeling right now so please bear with me.

I just opened up my folder with all my blog related stuff in there and I clicked on my blog and I hadn't checked it in a long ass time and the night I do cos it's now coming up to 2am - I just hit 11 fucking thousand views. 11 thousand.
Not once did I ever imagine I'd get to 100 views let alone 11 thousand, I always get choked up writing posts thanking all you guys for how many views you've all given this because this became my crutch, whenever I felt like I needed to vent or that I wanted to cry, I'd just write my heart out til it felt a little easier.

I've written my daily struggles, I've write about the happy times and the times I just want to forget and I hope by me writing about my struggles and my achievements, you can all benefit from them.
This journey hasn't been perfect and I've made so many mistakes along the way but YOU the person who's reading this should know that the mistakes and the downfalls I've faced are just obstacles that made me alot stronger. There's so many things I wish I did differently and there's moments where I regret reacting the way I did to stuff but that just shows I'm only human. I'm not perfect, far from it actually but what I'm trying to get at is journeys even similar to mine are never just gonna work out peacefully. It's rough, it's a daily challenge but it's proven to be very much worth it.

I've struggled more in writing about my struggles than the actual struggles itself mainly because of the fact that I had to remember everything that's happened and be okay with the world knowing about it. Writing about me getting ill and getting bullied hasn't been the easiest thing to write about because there's things that I hadn't told even my family and then they've read it through my blog so that was abit of a challenge but it got easier and putting myself out there on social media with this blog t's definitely been an experience.
I've had another mental health advocate tell me I'm fucked up just because they didn't get what I'd tweeted, I've spoke to some truly wonderful people too.

I no longer fear my anxiety, it used to become the one thing that scared me the most because I didn't know how to deal with it but as I learnt what works for me and what doesn't it became easier but every now and again it'll still challenge the fuck outta me and that's okay.
I fear myself and my actions over everything else because I know when I have bad days or I see something I don't like I'll react in a super negative way and that's not always okay. I'm the first person to admit when I've fucked up but I don't always tend to agree with other people's actions because people suck.

ThankYOU for being part of this journey with me and I hope you've enjoyed what you've read so far.

Have a nice day.

social media -
twitter - LiVNiZZZLE
email - livnizzzle@gmail.com
instagram - livnizzzle_

xx