Tuesday, 26 July 2016


First of all you guys, I'd just like to say thankYOU for getting this blog over 9000 views!!! This is literally my biggest achievement and I'm so grateful to be able to share it with all of you.

As most of you can guess by now I'm kinda used to being unhappy about myself and my surroundings, but I've learnt some things on this little journey I've been blessed to be on so I thought I'd share it with you!

So firstly, living with an eating disorder and going into recovery is one of the most challenging times you'll have on this process, letting yourself put weight on a little at a time and making your body recover from not eating for so long it's tricky. - at first and well I still don't like this process but when you first start to put weight on, instead of all the clothes you wore whilst you were ill you can no longer wear so you're either stuck between always wearing trackies or having to make yourself feel bad by wearing your old clothes. My TIP or solution for this is that instead of wanting to loose weight again or feeling insecure and self conscious put the clothes that don't fit and make you feel bad about yourself in the bin. Literally, just bin them.

Secondly, instead of always thinking this journey is going to be sunshine and rainbows ad just because you've had 1 good day so far you think it's always going to be like and that you're better. STOP!  That is NOT how this journey is going to go, I know this because I've felt like this so many times, especially when I've ended up relapsing. My TIP or solution for you is that it's okay to not be okay. If you have a bad day you don't need to force yourself to get out of bed or even go out, literally just get a hot drink or your favourite drink {NON ALCOHOLIC} because alcohol just makes your bad days worse and more continuous - put a movie on, or draw something, create a plan of something so say you're gonna set a date to go out on so you have something to look forward too ahead of time.
Never put yourself down because you see more bad days than good, so what? You've come this far in your journey and that tells me that you're a fighter - so please continue to keep fighting.

And finally, don't underestimate your achievements like if you've finally too that leap of going out for a walk or even going to the shop then baby, that's fucking amazing!! Sometimes the little things matter more than the big things, finally being able to take your dog for a walk without feeling like the world is about to collapse around you is such a freeing feeling and whenever you get the chance even if you don't have a dog - go for a walk and experience that feeling.

"You don't get sunshine without a little rain, but plants need both to grow"

O x


I wish I didn't worry or panic myself into an oblivion. I make it hard for people to talk to me, and then I get mad when they've not told me something. Whenever I feel really sad like when I argue with someone I love more than the world I get this weird sicky feeling in my tummy and it starts off as being one small thing and then gradually it gets bigger and bigger until I can feel it try to escape from my throat but I keep swallowing so it stays there and it sits patiently waiting til something else makes it bigger and eventually it gets it's way..

In my last post I said I'd talk about why I always bring stuff up - here's the reason, it's just genius {sarcasm intended} - I bring stuff up like if someone does something to upset or hurt me I'll bring it up whenever we argue, I don't do it to feel like I've got something over them, I do it because the pain I felt then I still feel now literally like the EXACT same pain. There's been times where I've felt really just broken over someone else's actions or they're the reason I've felt so bad about myself yet I've stayed and it's happened over and over again so the pain just builds and builds - so any time there's an argument I bring it up because it's still as raw as it was when it happened and I guess that kinda makes me a shitty person. 

It's funny though, I write this blog aiming to help as many people as I can, I created two campaigns dedicated to create a new law for this type of stuff yet I can still barely help myself. It sucks because I know how loving and caring I am yet it literally breaks my heart when people the closest that they could possibly be can't even talk to me. I feel like I'm in a never ending cycle of trying my hardest of always trying to impress people and at the end of the day it's always me feeling exhausted emotionally because I, myself SHOULD be good enough yet I never feel like it.

I started writing a diary the other day and I get lost in the art of writing, I could write at least 5 pages and then write more. I think everyone who has anxiety or any mental illness should definitely invest in one because it feels easy and whenever I just want to vent and be with my own thoughts I can do that but it never stays in my head so I can actually be at peace for an hour at least. 

Aaaaaaaand breatheeeeeeeeeeeeeee...

O x


Hey guys hope you're all okay and living well!

I figured I'd write a post about the bad habits I've developed since having anxiety and an eating disorder because I know so many people can relate and I think it's something barely anybody talks about so here goes... enjoy :)


I bite my nails, til they bleed and hurt but I won't even realise how bad it is til I get outta my daze. There was a point one time when I didn't bite my nails for so long and they actually grew to be so long, but then I had to get back to reality and well I've stuck to just getting acrylics instead now.. Whenever I feel sad or when I'm just feeling low or whatever I'll pick my face like I've got scaring from just either scratching my face but doing over and over and over again.

This is something that is just me I guess haha, I ALWAYS overreact, like if someone goes out of their way to hide something from me and I find out myself or I'll actually ask them and it'll slip out or something I'll stop being able to speak and just start to cry because if the people closest to me aren't going to be 100% then why should they be in my life? I mean, I'm loyal to those who are loyal to me and if they aren't loyal to me then I'll disregard them kinda people and I don't need that. 
I always bring stuff up too, I guess I'll write my next post on that in abit more detail.

Okay so this one is specifically for when I go to eat or something so it's definitely my worst habit with having an eating disorder - I could be really hungry like if I've not eaten anything that day I'll eat at least 1/4th of it because I'm still conscious about what I eat or I'll have these weird ideas of trying to lose weight then give up on that idea because I feel I'm stronger than that so it's basically a constant battle of me trying to eat more every day.

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Okay so this post is kinda short because I'm gonna write another long one too later so please keep an eye out for that!

contact meeeee - 
twitter - LiVNiZZZLE
email - livnizzzle@gmail.com

O x