Wednesday, 1 June 2016

#NEW CHAPTER ~ 24.

I've always had a big fear of the dark. 
A fear of the unknown, you're scared but you don't know what of, is it myths or legends or the real? 
It's completely insane to be scared of things you don't know, however if you need to have a lil bit of control then it's completely rational.

My two biggest fears; the dark and the love of my life leaving me.
I push people away so they can't leave me and I write from morning to night so I'll never have to be in the dark outside.
And the second one, I've always thought I didn't need people because I'm a stubborn lil asshole.. but the thing is I spent practically 3 weeks in one persons' company and I couldn't of been more content with it. Although, I often got scared and panicky that they thought I was too difficult to be with because, take last week for example I was practically crying before we'd gotten to ComicCon because I was petrified. I was so scared to be there, not that I didn't want to be there but there was people EVERYWHERE!!

I faced all my fears last week and I'm literally emotionally drained, exhausted even. I'm only one person and I've got to try and keep up with everything like some days I've got to force myself to eat even if I feel like absolute shit afterwards. I've got to keep trying to convince myself that things aren't going to be as bad as I think they are. Before Rhys and I had even gone to ComicCon all I'd do is argue then say 'I'm not going to fucking ComicCon with you' we'd argue ALL the time on the lead upto it. 
But I did it. 

I did it because I always tell you guys that you can't let anything stop you from doing what you wanna do, yet I was willing to let my anxiety stop me from doing something I've always wanted too.

If anybody has any specific topics you'd like me to talk about, just hit me up with an email. I check it everyday so its livnizzle@gmail.com

Believe in yourself.
You're fucking wonderful.

Ox

#NEW CHAPTER ~ 23.

Hey everyone.. I deleted some posts I wrote yesterday because it didn't feel real. I'm not even sure what is or isn't real anymore, I'd gone to London ComicCon..
That's Sean Kelly from Storage Hunters..

I felt so trapped going there, I kinda thought that I'd back out at the last minute but obviously I didn't, I desperately tried to put all my anxious thoughts to the back of my head because I was scared. Scared that people would be able to tell my thoughts are eating me up every night. As you can all guess by now I wear make up but it isn't the fact that I need to wear it but once my face is all done I feel like a new Liv. Someone that won't take your shit like the old Liv did, 
I feel refreshed, like everytime I put make up it's a new skin type of thing. I am able to get that confidence I wish would stay with me.

Ox