Friday, 29 April 2016

#NEW CHAPTER ~ 6.


In a few of my posts you read about me talking about 'Me, myself and I' but don't get me wrong I like it, it's just very isolating. When I had an eating disorder I'd read so many books and I'd get lost in their lives and I'd want to be with someone who reminded me of my two favourite book characters but I've learnt something important these past few days, let me explain...

Book characters are completely fictional, they aren't real.. so the relationships they form in these books aren't real either but it's like social media, you see all these relationships on instagram, facebook, twitter etc etc and you'll see people commenting saying 'GOALS' when you don't know anything about their relationship, and you've just seen a picture of a tiny meme video of this couple doing cute things when boo that isn't real.

Relationships rely on two things, 'Loyalty and Honesty' in my opinion anyway! But anyway, a relationship isn't scripted or created by some romance author, it's raw and real. It gets tough over time but you both learn each other, you learn what they like and don't like. You learn their favourite food, their biggest fears, everything except something that's never really in any of these books are the arguments, the fights, the fallout. And because everyone's so used to seeing these 'goal' couples people don't know what to do when the arguments start to appear outta no where, but one thing I have noticed because fuck I do this too, you go straight to social media to post some shady fucking quotes and that helps absolutely nothing. Everyone seems to have lost the communication in relationships these days, because you're so afraid of saying how you really feel cos you might upset your lover.

I'll be honest, I'm the worst person to be in a relationship with, mainly because I'm so fucking petty. I remember everything literally I'll bring up stuff from the past because well it still hurts. I think everyone just wants to feel like they're good enough to be with someone and you literally try so fucking hard to be someone other than myself because well, who really wants to be with someone who's on the brink of relapsing, someone who's got severe anxiety and had about 0 friends huh? I'm just a catch haha.. One thing you all have to remember is that YOU all are beautiful, you may feel the shittest you've ever felt but overtime with love and guidance you'll start to feel secure within yourself and HEY YOU! YOU READING THIS WHEREVER AND WHOEVER YOU MAY BE, YOU ARE A FUCKING CATCH!! ANYBODY WOULD BE LUCKY TO HAVE YOU!

I'm learning to love myself and so should you.
Ox