Monday, 4 April 2016

#NEW CHAPTER.

Hey guys, I know I haven't posted anything in ages and well that's because I've been scared. Scared that although I've posted my journey throughout the whole experience of having mental health illnesses, what if I've got nothing to write about anymore?

I'm still struggling right now, illnesses like anxiety, depression, bulimia, anorexia.. mental illnesses don't just go. They always stick in your head but you've got to be able to be strong enough to say 'okay thank you for your input but it isn't needed anymore.' because lets face it, it only controls you if you let it. I struggle because I doubt myself. I doubt myself and the people around me alot more than I should. But I struggle to not doubt other people when people still doubt me now.

No one can ever doubt me and should ever doubt me, I got over having an eating disorder whilst living with crippling anxiety and depression, that's basically a fucking miracle. I started eating because I'd had enough, I'd had enough of people looking at me like I'm some fragile porcelain doll., I'd had enough of not being able to do something because I thought I'd get hated or belittled for it. But the truth is, not everyone's going to like you as a person or they aren't going to know how much of a fucking miracle you are because you tend to shut yourself off at the first sign of conversation.
I'm gonna be honest, I still shut myself off when there's conversation being made around me. I hate getting asked questions because I don't want people to belittle what I like. I hate it.

But... last week I reckon I kinda made a breakthrough, I tried to at least have a conversation with some people and although it was fucking scary as shit, I did it. I did something that I hate doing just because that would be one less person to fucking hate me haha, you'll get what I mean if you've red previous posts {the predator or his mum} hahahaha.

The point of this post is to show EVERYONE that although putting yourself in situations you think are scary an shit, aren't always that bad. I made a effort to speak to someones parent and well for me that's a big deal because his other parent I reckon fucking hates me so it was nice, unless he fucking hates me too then, oops.

I missed you all! Regular updates coming soon..

Ox