Thursday, 21 January 2016

#8.

This post is gonna be a little bit different to usual, I absolutely despise the people that think just because you've got mental health issues, I try my fucking hardest to keep growing as a person and to keep being strong when everything else goes to shit. But to be quite honest when people make you start to question your own self worth that's how the fuck you know you don't need people like that in your life.

I went through traumatic years of questioning my own self worth and finally when I look in a mirror I can be like 'damn thats a bomb ass selfie' but lately shit has been so different. One minute you can have people being so happy and loving every minute your with them the next you're practically like a big pile of dog shit. And I'm sure no one wants to be a BIG pile of dog poop.

If you're insecure that's absolutely fine, you're still a human being and you don't want to be vulnerable thats absolutely fine!! But you know what isn't fine, people saying how insecure yu are when really it isn't any of there business. When you finally realise why people shouldn't be trusted it's the most heart breaking thing in the world.

It's not fucking fair.

#7.

I know one of you reading this can relate to at least one thing I've wrote so far and I hope its helping you some way, somehow whatever..

I saw a post on Facebook earlier which said 'depression/anxiety has become a fashion trend now' I'm sorry but really? In 2013 there were 8.2 million cases of just anxiety alone so imagine how big the number is with depression. Illnesses aren't a trend or a fashion statement, everyone is going through something so be mindful and respect people, even strangers.. You don't know what is in someones mind, you don't know how they're feeling. Before you decide to post a shitty comment about mental illness, learn about it!! Learn how much of a life ruiner it can be, It can literally make people kill themselves, people are dying because of some douche who said something shitty to them, is that really what you want on your conscience? You'll be the person to blame for someone killing themselves, remember that.

Its hard pretending for so long you're okay, I still go through it now. There's so many days that all I want to do is curl up in a ball and wrap myself under my duvet and pretend this day never existed, but lets say your at someones house so how can you do that without letting them know you're feeling absolutely shit? You plaster this smile all over your face, make jokes, fake you're okay until you go to the bathroom and see your face and realise there's so much pain in your eyes, you try to smile at yourself in the mirror to see if your eyes will change and they don't they just get more hurt.

Then you decide.. ''okay maybe I am better off alone'' even though your hearts breaking and there's tears going down your face. You can't let this illness break you boo. Its broken me for far too long literally ever since I got bullied I try to be the person people will like and to be honest a few weeks ago I realised that my boyfriend's mum didn't like me and he can keep saying he does until he's blue in the face but what I'm trying to get at is even if you try and be a person YOU think people like there's still always going to be a chance they don't like you and you know that's okay actually.. You don't need people to like you, or like who you're pretending to be just to impress people. 

Fuck that. Fuck people. Fuck shitty friends. Fuck shit that doesn't make you happy. The most important person here is YOU, in recovery if you're recovering from some mental health issue you've always got to have positive vibes, positive people around you and no matter what, you've always got to think positively or you're just going to go back in time baby. 

YOU are important no matter how low you feel and definitely no matter what anyone tells you.

Ox