Wednesday, 21 December 2016

this blog.

This is a personal post to all my readers out there.. so here goes..

Throughout writing this blog I've wrote about a complete mixture of things. Being in a relationship, getting absolutely heartbroken, conquering my fears etc. So once again I'm going to tell you all about a little something/someone.

The other night I had a panic attack whilst I was out, but because I'm so fucking lucky I had someone calm me down and although I was basically on the verge of crying they saved the day. I hadn't had someone that isn't family say and be genuine about wanting to help me conquer anxiety again.
I kept saying he didn't understand and that's because I was so fucking scared of him understanding, it wasn't because I think he's going to leave or anything but because I don't want pity. Literally that is the last thing I want, ever.

I haven't had many people enter my life and me feel secure and sure that they aren't a dickhead, I'm starting to feel alot less anxious and I think I was addicted to the feeling of anxiety because I was so scared of feeling anything other than anxious and overwhelmed.
I know I'm slowly going back to that outgoing person I was way before any of this and it's such a daunting feeling because I'm not used to feeling this content with how shit is.

The feeling of disappointment from my parents and my sister is something that hurts more than they realise, the look on their faces when I've fucked up like recently I know my decisions could have been alot better but it's hard. It's hard when I'll wanna go out everyday and because they aren't used to that they get really worried
about me and I wish shit was different. I know I don't make shit easier but idk.

We hit 18 thousand + views on this blog earlier and I'd just like to say how grateful I am for every single one of you that takes the time out to read this, I wanted to create this because I'm probably the most closed off person but I love writing and I enjoy writing about things I'm extremely passionate about. Writing about things like this which mean so fucking much to me has helped my anxiety too, it's like this big weight is slowly getting lifted off my chest and getting up in a morning is starting to get easier..
I'm writing this because it's almost Christmas, and it'll soon be ONE year since I started writing and thinking about this entire year is crazy to me, there's so many people who were in my life this time last year and now there's new people that I never thought I'd have in my life. (WHICH I'M EXTREMELY GRATEFUL FOR.)

I'm gonna add pictures from this year that have made me so fucking happy now, so enjoy.

Have a wonderful Christmas and stay positive.

If you ever wanna talk -
INSTA - livnizzzle_
TWITTER - LiVNiZZZLE

L x 



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