Wednesday, 21 December 2016

relationships..

Being in a relationship with your bestfriend sounds amazing. I want to be with someone I just click with, who accepts all my weird little quirks and the random outbursts of whatever bullshit I come out with.

I've allowed myself to be unhappy, constantly anxious about how someone feels about me or if they're going to leave. But the truth is eventually everybody leaves you, you've just got to find someone that makes you feel less worried they're going to leave.
 I used to plan everything like in my last relationship I planned that at a certain I'd get married, have babies, etc. I realise how pressurizing that is now but I planned everything because I thought he'd leave so if we'd have all these plans he couldn't and that's so fucked up, I know.

I've allowed myself to be in a state of panic, paranoia and fear. I was so scared everybody around me would leave me that I never truly enjoyed every last second I spent with these people and I regret that massively. However, I'm extremely secure with the people I'm currently spending my time with and I cannot stress anymore that you really just have to let go of the people that make you second guess yourself constantly.
I'm genuinely happy, like I'm so content with how things have turned out. There's people that have really just made me happy. There's some people that have made effort and tried to understand me, some of them even read this so you'll know who you are.

I thought I'd never be able to get over Rhys and honestly I have. I thought I'd still be pining over him, we were good together but so so much better apart. That heartbreak taught me alot and it changed my perception and outlook on things. I have to allow myself happiness and that's what I'm finally doing, I'd have nightmares EVERY single night it'd usually be something fucked up but now.. I'm going to sleep with a smile on my face every single night and I couldn't be anymore prouder with myself for finally letting myself be happy.

.... to be continued.

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