Sunday, 4 December 2016

....

I want the whole world to know how I feel about you, I want everybody to be able to see how much of a power couple we are, I want people to see how fucking in love with you I am.

Its never going to be easy, but its ALWAYS going to be absolutely worth it, you're always going to be worth it.. no matter how fucked up shit gets, you'll always be the man I see myself growing old with. I'm not going to mention any names or anything but ima be real with you guys...

For a while shit hasn't been easy, I've been trying and trying to keep on top of things when everything has just seemed to fall to shit. There's people that are very reliant on me so although there's days where I just wanna cry my eyes out and watch RuPaul's drag race, I'm not essentially allowed too.

I've rewrote this post twice now because there's so much I really want to say but there's alot of stuff that is incredibly personal, and I'll be honest there's alot of stuff that I haven't wrote about purely for the fact I'll have to really think about the issue in the first place and right now it's best to just avoid it..

When my relationship broke up, I wrote 4/5 posts literally a week or two later talking about moving on and all that bullshit and that wasn't fair. I was so bothered about putting posts up and everything that I didn't give myself a real chance to look after myself properly, I'd go out and spend the day with someone and that'd be fine til I got in my room and I just felt like crying.

It's 4 days til my birthday and I'm happy.

Happy in the sense that I have real amazing people around me and literally last night I just vented to a really genuine person and he made me realise that I allow people to effect me in such a negative way and that's kinda where I have to change my mindset.. and this is something I've let affect me for so long now that I'd kinda become oblivious to it til he said something and I woke up this morning with a completely different mindset.
I feel like throughout this whole blog I've been telling you guys how truly important you are but on the bad days I have I forget to remind myself just how important and needed I am, and that's definitely something that has to change, definitely.

I feel really happy with the choices I've made so far, it's been fucking exhausting but it's definitely been worth it and I wouldn't change any of it. I'm rather looking forward to my birthday, kinda nervous but so so excited for it too. Shit is definitely going to be changing on that day, if shit goes to plan.


i love you :) xx


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