Friday, 2 December 2016

anxiety prt 2

Hey guys! A while ago I did a post entirely just about my anxiety and how bad it can get and I figured I'd just do a lil update on that since alot of shit has changed so yeah!

PS - this little bit is dedicated to the one person/two people that commented on two of my most popular posts, I literally only saw them Friday and it was the sweetest thing EVER! I'll check more frequently now if anybody comments but I really appreciate every single one of you that takes the time out to read my blog, I've wrote about such personal things and I'm very appreciative of you all.

To be quite honest, I very rarely speak to people or even message them first so if I ever messaged you first then you have to be real special haha! I feel like I've become more closed off now than I was when I wrote my last post. I became very reliant on this one person so when they weren't there I was stuck. I didn't ever wanna get outta bed or just do things that were fucking hard anyway.
But I didn't want to be crying over that and be crying about my anxiety as well so I decided to change my attitude to absolutely everything.

I was scared of saying what was really on my mind because if I barely understand myself then who else is going to actually be able to understand me and why I am the way I am? I spent some time working on myself and I've met some shitty people in this time but I've met some really awesome people too and I've realised that I don't need anybody else to understand me, I just need to work on myself and realise I'm better than I give myself credit for. I've let so many people just walk all over me because I've been scared they'd just leave me and that's stupid.

A ridiculous amount of people have left me, and I'm not gonna say yeah I'm used too it but I get that things happen and people change so if people just wake up and decide they don't want you in their life anymore you can't fight for them to stay. Because one day your bestfriend might genuinely need you there and you have two choices, be there or don't talk to them.

Anyway I went slightly off topic there but I hope it kinda made sense..

I'm an extremely closed off and shut off person, there's some days where I want to just crawl under my duvets and just die and there's others were I want to do my hair and my make up and just convince myself ima be okay.
Anxiety is my worst enemy but there's so much more to me than it, it's been a very big part of my life and it's played a very big role in my life too but this shit doesn't define me.

I don't want this to be how people see me, I don't want people to pity or give me sympathy because I fucking hate that. My anxiety is shit, it can just come out of nowhere and I'll suddenly just feel like crying but all I want is for someone to understand me.



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