Tuesday, 29 November 2016

thoughts..

For months which soon turned into years I was so consumed with my anxiety, I let it consume every inch of my being. Instead of being this fun loving person, I became this introverted person that could barely look at mirrors because I hated myself and everything around me.
I wouldn't reply to anyone if they'd messaged me, I didn't care about myself so why the f would I care about anyone else?

As I slowly pushed myself out of my comfort zone I felt more at ease within myself, I built myself up to the point where I'd wanna talk to other people, I'd want to look at myself because I knew I was the bomb.com...
I loved the idea of always going out with friends and meeting new people but it wasn't exactly my favourite thing to do, I was in a relationship with someone who in that sense was the complete opposite of me, he wanted to go out alot and do all that shit yet he never told me and it just bothered him.

It's been a while since it ended and ALOT has happened, I'm not gonna sugarcoat it or anything but I was literally broken, my absolute everything got taken away from me and I didn't know how I'd cope or be able to continue this blog. Yeah I was going to stop writing on my blog and just write in my journals instead, somehow I found my inner bad ass bitch and decided I'm better than that.
I didn't want to stop writing on here or anything but I had noone to ask if this was a good post or if I should add more to it like it was just me and I'm my biggest critic and that sucked.

I rushed into alot of things after it ended and it was extremely obvious, I had 101 emotions constantly going around and around in my head, I was hurt and angry and I was trying to feel how I did with him but just without him. For the first day, holy fuck I came back home so happy with literally the biggest smile on my face until it came to like 3am and I couldn't sleep, he was constantly in my head like whenever I thought about him and us I literally got choked by my own tears.

It took alot for me to be in the mindset I'm now in, it took every little bit of strength I have. Don't get me wrong I'm still hurting but it's manageable.

But what I realised going through all of that is that what we had was real, that's why it hurt. The problem with people is though that life is far too short, and to be quite honest I'd go through that pain all over again if I had real 100% love because it'd be completely worth it. People become too scared of the risk of it not working so they don't try it, whether it's someone in your life or something you're really fucking passionate about. Do it, because when you're alone and thinking you'll be left with what ifs and regrets.

Don't give up on the people or things you love.

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