Friday, 23 September 2016

moving on..

I never thought I'd be writing a post like this on or my last so this shits kinda new to me right now.

At first it felt like I could never be apart from him or just be myself without  him because I felt like he built me up so much that I kinda figured I'd just come crashing down as soon as it ended, and I haven't..

It's weird not waking up to good morning messages or talking to some all day til we slept then kept the conversation going for days. It's weird not telling someone how your day went or how you feel about things in general. The day he ended it for good, I didn't just lose my boyfriend, I lost my bestfriend, the man I was going to marry. I could never accept that, I couldn't accept that he didn't want this because I didn't want it to be real. I wanted to work something out, I wanted anything but this to happen and he just didn't want me. But, I'm learning how to be myself on my own and although I miss my bestfriend - he doesn't want me and I can't pursue someone that doesn't want me.

Moving on doesn't mean forgetting all that's happened or what you two had, it just means taking proper care of yourself - for days I didn't eat, sleep or drink properly. All I did was cry in my duvet and whenever I'd speak about it I'd cry - I cried on the bus after he gave me most of my stuff back and said he didn't want me. There comes a point when you legitimately have to decide ''WHEN ARE YOU GOING TO STOP CRYING?!!!!"

I spoke and stayed at my brother's house and I spent the day with him and his girlfriend, and I'm not even sure what happened but something clicked in my head and I finally decided to stop it. Stop crying, stop wasting my days in bed crying.
I have to prioritize myself and if I'm not your number one priority then I'm not wasting my time crying over you.

I loved the time I spent with him, I love him as a person and I think I probably always will. I appreciated everything him and his family have done for me and I'm going to miss them crazy amounts.

Moving on is hard, but sometimes you just gotta focus on yourself and what's really best for you.

I love my boo boo.

Now, time to chill the fuck out. Goodnight.

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