Friday, 30 September 2016

happiness.

Happiness always starts with YOU. You have to physically want it, to want to be and to want to feel it.
The reason we as humans get stuck in ruts is that once you get stuck in a constant bad mood, it'll feel freaky to actually feel great and because you're so scared of feeling good you'll automatically wanna resort to feeling bad again. It's human, I do it more than I care to admit.

Let's take love for example - if you've been with someone for so long that you'll get stuck in the same pattern of speaking to them every day, seeing them consistently, feeling the same love on a constant basis - so when it does eventually end you'll be scared because who do you have to lean back on? That's why people move on so so quickly, you crave to feel the same love and happiness as you did before but with a different person. But in the end, someone ALWAYS gets hurt because it isn't as real as you first thought.

As soon as I'd come out of my relationship I couldn't stand to be in my room, I couldn't stand to be in a house where me and Rhys had so many memories, I couldn't stand walking past somewhere we'd been or anything like that but then I realised something... That although I was constantly laid in bed crying, things move on and it's upto you to decide when like my last post says. I stayed at my brother's and his girlfriends place and I felt 'normal', I felt fucking broken inside but I wasn't getting stuck or lost in my thoughts, my mind was off him and I thought "Fuck it, I think I can do this now."

I physically WANTED to be happy, I wanted to be able to figure things out for myself, and more to the point I no longer wanted to give a fuck. About everything, I wanted to be able to prove to myself that I CAN do things without him. I no longer wanted to rely so much on someone that left me like it was easy, I understand why he did it now but it's excuses that are so unnecessary, it makes no sense.

I've proved to myself that although it's inevitable to feel the way my anxiety makes me feel, I'm so so slowly getting on top of it aka I'm fucking winning. I can go out of my house and meet someone and not feel guilty or that I just wanna hide because I don't anymore, I'm a fucking warrior and I want everybody and anybody to see it.
I have a battle within myself that I have to try and overcome every single day, and at one point in my life I honestly wanted this to be done, I wanted to stop existing and just let it become the best of me and for some reason I fought the battles, I still fight today.

I fight for all the people out there that once fought the same battles I do and it unfortunately got the better of them, I do it because EVERYBODY deserves so fucking more of what they allow themselves to have. Being in a war with yourself is one of the hardest and most brutal things you'll have to deal with but once you decide you're so much better than it then it loses.

Find your inner warrior and fight this bitch with me,

Love YOURSELF because you'll never be able to love someone else properly.

I love YOU ALLLLL!!!

contact meeeee!
twitter - @LiVNiZZZLE
email - livnizzzle@gmail.com
insta - livnizzzle_

xxxxxx

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