Thursday, 18 August 2016

52.

When I first got diagnosed with anxiety and anorexia, I had no idea how much of an impact they'd have on my life. I knew what they both were but I didn't realise how bad they could get, being an 11 year old that suffered with this I didn't want to tell any of my friends for how they'd react and I was scared of what people would think.

Of course I'm an adult now and it still scares me to know if people have found out I've got anxiety or depression. Mainly for the fact that I don't want pity or anybody's sympathy, I don't want anybody to just think 'oh its because of her anxiety' or any of that shit. I just want to be treated normally.
I've wrote this blog for 8 months so far and as I've shared my blog more and more people that I know have started to read it and I didn't want anybody to know any of this at the start of my journey writing. I was scared how people would react or if they'd treat me differently and it's quite amazing really, I shared the post 'Let it go' on my own Facebook and the response I got from so many people was incredible. I had people that I'd barely even said hi too saying that they were proud of how strong I was and that I'm a great person and truly it felt great.

I feel like people now have a greater understanding as to why I do the stuff I do and all I ever wanted was to be understood. I always feel scared about sharing a post whether it's about anorexia or bullying or anything else that contributed to how am I now. Most of the posts can get real personal and it was a big part of my life that should never ever be taken for granted because as quick as I got ill I could be right back there again.

I never thought I'd have a future - I thought I'd barely make it to get better and start eating, I wanted to die so I hadn't even planned my future or planned it with anyone. But now, all I need to feel better is a plan, a plan of what I want in the future, and that feels fucking great.
I feel lonely alot of the time and I get sad but what really motivates me is my future..



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