Friday, 12 August 2016

51.

I've decided to stop writing titles and go back to where I left off with the number titles so enjoy.

Having anxiety is a full time thing, it very rarely stops when I sleep because I'll have nightmares about the things I'm worried about and it's a continuous cycle which very rarely stops altogether. I woke up at like 3pm today and I'd gone to the bathroom and I checked myself in the mirror because I felt so fucking bad so it was an obvious I'd look that bad too, right? But anyway, my bottom lip was covered in blood and I thought waaitttt...... ha my nose bled again because it might be from that but no, I'd obviously had a nightmare and bit my lip that hard it bled so that's just great.

Anxiety is with me all the time and being in a relationship as well makes it less about you and more about them so for example - how my anxiety was mostly focused on do I look okay? am I going to be okay? an all that jazz, it's more like this now is he seeing other girls? does he even give a fuck?
Anxiety has made me alot less trusting, I mean look people's actions equal to if I trust you or not and that just makes it worse you know?
These past few days I've felt really bad like I just wanna cry and never get outta bed, literally it's literally took all my power to just sit on the edge of my bed and write this. I hate looking vulnerable and reliant on people so that's why I'd always choose to leave people rather than beg and plead for them.

I think for a few days this will be my last post until I start to chill the fuck out.

Sorry.

enjoy your weekend.

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