Saturday, 18 June 2016

#NEW CHAPTER ~ 37.

"You will always be the miracle that keeps my life complete."

I used to spend practically all my time in bed, I'd hate to leave it because then I'd have to see people even if it was just the people in my house.. I've always felt alone and lonely, even in other people's company. 
I'd resent be left alone to be with my thoughts because they've always scared me, I know it could be like this; I know how easy it could be for me to have one more bad day and realise I want nothing more to do with suffering anymore. It would be so easy for me to just give up on fighting YET I never want to give up.

I've always had my family but this, this is different.. it's different because I've planned a life with someone, I've got hopes and dreams, there's so many things I want to achieve with this person and I can't do it if I'm not here. 
I used to live in darkness, I'd think dark thoughts, I'd live in numbness and there's so many times I've told him to give up on me and he hasn't. There's been times where we've just both sat and cried on my living room floor and then we cuddled not like a normal cuddle, a cuddle that's needed and it brings you back together. He broke up the darkness, it's always still there but I don't feel numb, I feel excited, scared and happy.. all rolled into one.

It's funny when you look back and see how much you've both changed, fuck. He was probably the biggest hoodrat I've seen in my life and I'd stopped giving a fuck about everything, in that period of time I did shit I'm not proud of, but he did the same and I guess it brought us together. It made us together and then we changed together.


He makes me feel like although it's okay I'm hurting, I don't need to hold it all in because let's be honest, he can read me like a muthafucking book!!! 

I hope you realise how special you make me feel.

I love you always boo boo,

Ox.

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