Loneliness. Every word like that has a different meaning to everyone I think. But loneliness to me means complete numbness, you're alone in your head for such a significant amount of time that eventually you'll feel like you're going crazy.
I could be in a room full of people and still feel like I want to just break down and cry..
I hate to be left to my own thoughts, mainly because when I didn't tell anyone my thoughts or my feelings and I'd just keep it all in, I'd start to feel like I shouldn't be here. To tell the truth, I didn't want to be here either.
I get that same feeling if I'm having a really bad day and it'll scare me because I know how good shit is when I'm feeling good. Most of all though, I haven't done it because my mum is an amazing person, my sister even though she's very overprotective she's a real special girl, my brother I envy, I love my dad and the last person to write about is my boyfriend.. I've got some real special people around that even when they don't understand they TRY to and I think if I ever did end it all they'd be the ones hurting the most and I don't want them to hurt.
I've never wrote about my brother Ben so I'm gonna just tell you a little about him, he's my older brother and by now if you haven't noticed I'm the baby of the family which when everyone's already overprotective of me it gets 100 x worse after all this bullshit happens haha. Ben is someone that I really envy sometimes because he's a strong kinda person whereas I don't particularly feel like I am. We used to play golf together on the weekends and do tournaments an shit, and at that point he was my bestfriend really.
There's other things that have gone on and I'm not going to go into detail into it but even though we don't always get on, he's a really great person.
I feel like complete utter shit right now but I'm hopeful shit's going to change soon.
It needs too really haha