Sunday, 15 May 2016

#NEW CHAPTER ~ 18.

I'm back again!!

I just wanted to add a new post because I'd seen this new buzzfeed video about when people tell you how good you look after losing weight and how complimenting someones weight does alot more harm than good and it really is true because even when people try compliment you saying how 'skinny' or how 'tiny' your body is, it affects your mental health alot more I personally think so anyway.

I personally just feel awkward when someone tries to say how tiny I am because I sometimes feel like saying 'oh, you should of seen me a few years ago. Then I really was tiny.' The fact of the matter is that ALL the time I'm still thinking I could easily slip into that same cycle of not eating or not eating properly anyway. I had a really severe eating disorder and on top of that I had severe anxiety and depression and on top of ALL that I was still trying to deal with getting bullied and all of that on top of each other fucking suck. Literally, how can you possibly get better any time soon when anorexia and anxiety basically counteract each other, you feel so shit with not eating and drinking but then you're trying to feel better with anxiety and it's just a big fucking mess.
But once my eating got reasonably better I really just had to focus about my anxiety, that kept getting worse and I kept getting more used to feeling numb within myself and I really hated it. After a while I got put on some medication for my anxiety and well after a while I noticed that I'd once again lost control of my eating and I started feeling really scared because I had my boyfriend practically always with me so it'd be much harder to pretend like everything's okay..

{I DO NOT RECOMMEND GOING STRAIGHT OFF THEM!!! TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING DRASTIC LIKE THAT!!!}
I went cold turkey off them pills, and my moods went from BUZZING SO FUCKING HAPPY to I want to fucking kill myself now, I hate the muthafucking world. It was unbelievably tough and I can only imagine how hard it was for the people around me to see me like that but I couldn't control that.
Right now, I'm not taking any medication for anxiety or anything.. I'm not 100% in control of this thing that's always in the back of my head, controlling my every thought but I'm getting far too used to it now...

Please do feel free to message me if you just wanna talk, you're the people that keep this blog running!!
livnizzzle@gmail.com

Love you always,
Ox.

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