Sunday, 7 February 2016

#18.

Hey loves,
I'm back!! I took a little while off and I noticed that when I'm not writing my blog, I start feeling so down. I've shared my life with you all and I'd like to thank every one of you that still reads this because even though I stopped writing some of you kept reading and I'm so grateful.

I'm emotionally exhausted. In fact.. I've currently got tears down my face as I'm writing this so I hope it makes sense.
This is what I've told you all about, the good days are amazing even perfect. But, the bad days.. they're fucking horrible.

I hate change. Its a fact, literally I fucking HATE it. I hate going from seeing someone every week to barely seeing them once a month. I'd change it back in a heartbeat. But I can't and it breaks my heart every day. I'm insecure and having this shitty change as well as everything else that's going on is bullshit. I hate it.

Anyway, lets change the subject!
When I feel dead poopy like right now, I always think about what I want for my future and literally I want is to get married and have my own little studio and live with the person I love. All I want is commitment, I feel like sometimes I ask for too much but literally I want stability and commitment,  and as you probably can tell I want to get married. Alot. I'd like to get married young and then when I'm old and still with that person, I can be like 'Remember when it was summer and you were at mine, we'd gone to that little park an you were being a right dick on the swing so I videoed ya? Good times' the hard thing about wanting to get married at a young age is suggesting the idea to my boyfriend. Obviously he doesn't wanna be that committed just yet but I do.. like I can't think of anything better than finally be married to the person I'll be with forever, it sounds really naive but I want it, and I want it now..

It seems really stupid but the thought of waking up to my bestfriend every day, and waking up everytime I have a nightmare to see him like I really can't think of anything better in this world of any other. Who knows maybe I'm thinking of way too far into the future.

I don't even know where I'm going with this post right now, I just felt like I needed to get that off my chest because its practically killing me. I'll probably write another post later relating more to the blog.

Ox.

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